The Day I Fell Head Over Heels In Love With A Vegetarian Vampire.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I was sitting in my reclining chair eating a corn dog when all of a sudden I heard my Honda crank up under my car port. Quickly I ran to the window , and low and behold my Honda dirt bike was gone.

Then I raced to our picture window, and low and behold I saw a beautiful woman wearing nothing but a spring time bikini flying by on the street with flaming red hair driving my Honda like a wild cat.

I ran to my Oldsmobile. I cranked up the old gal. I slipped her in reverse, and ran over our garbage can, and burned rubber as I shifted gears again into drive.

Fast down the street I hit high speed. I caught up with the red headed lovely chick. She tried to make a fast turn, but took a spill and ny Honda went sailing sideways down the street as the gal bounced off the asphalt straight into a ditch.

I could have sworn she had bought the farm, but I rushed out of my Oldsmobile and ran to the ditch. The lovely girl was unconscious, as I quickly held her feeble body in my arms. It was in the evening. The sun was down, and night time was slowly creeping in.

She melted in my arms like Parkay Margarine, or a more expensive brand of real butter. Her eyes opened and she told me she was a vegetarian vampire.

I said, Gee your fast, that falls under the category of information that I really did not need to know so quickly, so I called 911 immediately on my portable CB radio I keep with me at all times.

In no time at all the paramedics came and took over like they had complete authority over my beautiful Honda stealing stranger. One of the paramedic guys placed his lips on her lips, and I said, " Hey wait a minute, she is my vegetarian vampire and not yours. Keep your lips off of her man or I swear I am going to call the cops."

The perimedic said, " Golly I was only trying to save her life with CPR."

I said, " No you were not, you were trying to smooch her up, and I know the difference."

I called the cops and explained the situation to the officers that were on donut breaks.

They rushed over in their emergency police cars, and quickly drew guns on the paramedic, and then they all took turns holding the poor girl that was wearing only a spring bikini in their arms, one by one. Those guys were dedicated to their work.

I sat on a stump in the woods and cried because all those men were holding my vegetarian vampire. She did not belong to them. She belonged to me.

I asked the cops if it was alright if I could hold the poor half naked beautiful girl in my arms too. They said it was O.K., but I had to hurry up because their commanding officer, and the Jets football team were on their way at the scene as well.

Everyone wanted to help the poor injured girl that had injured her arm, and wore only a bikini , and was just a simple vegetarian vampire.

The only kind of red drink the girl could possibly enjoy was a can of V-8. It looks just like blood but it is jam packed with tasty vegetable juices.

In no time flat the vampire girl drank the vegetable juice and was refreshed just like a rebooted computer.

It did not take long for the girl to want to follow me home. Together we left the scene of the accident, and she helped me to put my wrecked Honda dirt bike in the trunk of my car.

I told the girl that if she ever wanted to drive my bike again to simply just ask for it, and don't steal it.

She felt sad and began to cry, but she asked me for more vegetable juice.

We stopped at a supermarket, and I bought a case of vegetable juice. I bought myself a pound of baloney.

We went to my house. We turned on the television and watched The Duke Of Hazards together. She snuggled up close to me with a can of vegetable juice, and we lived happily ever after.

God Bless Everyone