Barkin Goon Sold His Soul To The Devil

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Barkin Goon was living in poverty. He sold his one and only Swiss cheese machine for a song. The Pun kin brothers down the road bought it for thirty seven cents.

Goon was broke. He swore up , and down that he would get rich someday, but he had no idea how to do so.

While eating from a garbage can one afternoon, he screamed his head off and yelled, " I would sell my soul to the devil if I could become rich."

So while eating a piece of pizza from the garbage can, a man appeared, a well dressed guy in a ten thousand dollar suit showed up only a few feet away from Barkin, and he tapped him on his shoulder.

"Did you call me? " asked the devil.

Mr. Goon said, " I sure did. I want to be rich. What do I have to sign?"

The devil had a lot to say. " Well I am going to have to have your soul. Once you sell it to me, it will be hell for you to try to get back. Hell ain't no fun either. I am going to roast you, cook you, fry you, beat you, flog you, run you around my mulberry tree, shoot you in the butt with my BB guns, and let my little sister have you for lunch, and she is a fiend."

Mr.Goon said, " What do I get out the deal ?"

The devil said, " You get to make movies in Hollywood. You can run for Senator, and win. You can have the most beautiful women every morning to cook flap jacks for you. You can have nice cars, nice homes, a nice airplane, and first class pizza."

Mr. Goon asked, " How long do I get to enjoy it all?"

The devil said, " Until twenty years of your life goes by. You walk in front of a train. You accidentally trip, and you land in hell. "

Mr. Goon went for the deal. He became rich, and famous. He married a beauty queen that cooked him waffles every morning. He had beautiful kids, all of which had blonde hair and blue eyes.

Mr. Goon was a fine trumpet player. He made millions of dollars, but then one day he tripped right in front of a fast train.

The devil took Mr. Goon. The first thing the devil did was to tell Mr. Goon to do a hundred push ups. Shortly after that was finished, a demon bit Mr. Goon in his head and ate the frontal lobes of his brain.

Mr. Goon no longer had brains until late that evening. Every day the same demon eats Mr. Goon's brains. It was just something that the devil required.

The devil made Mr. Goon brush his teeth with black toothpaste. The devil burned Mr. Goon with a blow torch under his arm pits on Sundays when Mr. Goon tried to pray.

Mr. Goon prayed every day of his tortured existence in Hell. The devil said, " You can pray all you wish, but you belong to me now."

Mr. Goon prayed, and prayed, and prayed for forgiveness for selling his soul.

God just happened to be in the vicinity. God had a talk with the devil.

God said, " I want Mr. Goon to be free of you now. You have had him for six millenniums. It's time to give him up hot shot ."

The devil said, " But he belongs to me you mean old God."

God said, " I make the rules, and I break them if I please hot shot."

The devil set Mr. Goon free. God told Mr Goon to see Saint Peter, and to fall to his knees , and to tell Saint Peter that you plan to be good from now on.

Mr. Goon was forgiven. God decided he wanted Mr Goon. Mr. Goon became a servant of God. He went to earth as an angel , and started taking care of the homeless by cooking them bread in and outdoor oven.

Barkin Goon did good in the end. He was lucky I guess. Not everyone was as lucky as Mr. Goon, so never sell your soul to a devil because you just might not get it back.

God Bless Everyone.